Dean Commits Tax Fraud
by BlazeZtar755
Summary: Dean sulked over to the countertop, slamming the cupboard open. He snagged one of the musty two month old hot chocolate packets and dumped it into his boiling hot water. The IRS was after him, and he had no idea what to do.


Dean sulked over to the countertop, slamming the cupboard open. He snagged one of the musty two month old hot chocolate packets and dumped it into his boiling hot water. The IRS was after him, and he had no idea what to do.

A knock sounded at the door, and Dean froze. He crept to the door and peered through the peephole to the outdoors. A young boy wearing the Pizza Hut uniform holding a pizza was standing patiently outside. Dean breathed a sigh of relief and opened the door.

Immediately, a squadron of IRS enforcers lept out from the side and tackled Dean to the ground. He threw them off with his strength, honed through dozens of pickle jars. He booked it back into the house, slamming the door behind him. He lept and crashed through a window at the back of the house, conveniently landing on his backup skateboard he left for an occasion like this. He zoomed away in a panic.

He soon made it onto the highway, blitzing past the nearby cars at a blistering 278 miles per hour. A squadron of police cruisers was hot on his tail. Police Chief Castiel leaned out of one of the cruisers.

"Dean Winchester! Stop right where you are!" Castiel bellowed through a megaphone.

Dean didn't need to verbally respond, he turned around and stuck his tongue out, causing 3 of the cruisers to swerve and crash due to the raw force of the attack. Dean returned to his default position and bolted ahead of the cruisers into oncoming traffic. The rest of the cruisers swerved away or crashed into the oncoming cars, with Castiel launching himself out of the vehicle and onto the top of a semi truck. He flipped out his sniper rifle and began taking shots at Dean, who dodged all of them with the grace of a pile of sand. Dean backflipped onto the same semi Castiel was on and knocked the rifle out of his hand with a graceful roundhouse kick.

"Come at me without any of your tools, coward!" Dean taunted, striking a pose from his favorite anime.

"Dang it Dean, I trusted you! I trusted you to do better than this!" Castiel scowled.

Dean shrugged. "Hey man, you said to be myself. Being a handsome, tax evading renegade is just who I've been all along!"

Castiel dove forward, sweeping his foot to trip Dean. His counterpart leapt over the sweep and slammed his knee into Castiel's jaw, knocking him down and causing light bleeding. Dean gave a satisfied smirk and began doing the Orange Justice dance before Castiel picked himself up and barreled into him with a ferocious right hook, knocking Dean to the ground.

"Come quietly Dean, I don't want this to go any further than it already has."

"I'll never answer to self righteous, goody two shoes snobs like you," Dean coughed.

The friends turned enemies launched back into the brawl, with Castiel landing a cavalcade of blows to Dean's torso, knocking him towards the edge of the truck. For a brief moment, the trenchcoat wearing angel hesitated to finish off his old friend. That was all Dean needed to rush forward and crash his fist into Castiel's ribcage, utterly shattering it and launching Castiel off of the truck and into traffic.

"Good riddance, nerd," Dean chuckled. He ran up to the front of the semi and slammed his legs into the window of the drivers department, shattering it and launching himself inside. He suplexed the middle-aged driver inside and launched him out the window. He slammed his foot onto the gas pedal, crashing through weaker vehicles.

He noticed a sign for a nearby airport as the road became a blur. He knew that if he was to truly trump the IRS he would need to make it to Korea, since the IRS didn't exist there. He took a sharp turn off the highway and into the airport, with a squadron of military cruisers and helicopters hot on his tail. A helicopter took aim at the captured semi with it's XM140 30mm Cannon and firing off a shot towards it. It ruptured the vehicle into metallic shards, launching Dean out and onto the pavement. He scrambled back onto his feet and booked it towards the airport, with a squadron of armed troops sprinting after him.

He burst through the door of the airport, barreling through any and all security unfortunate to get in his way. He whipped through an unlocked door to the parking zone, and spotted an airplane not in use.

"Bingo," Dean smirked to himself.

He bolted onto the airplane and sprinted to the controls, but an unseen force struck him and forced him back.

"The hell?" Dean sputtered, wiping blood off of his lip.

"It's not your fault," the man said, "you just can't see me."

"N-no way, J-John Cena?" Dean gasped in disbelief, "you can't work for the IRS, you helped me seal Michael in the closet two years ago!"

"Things change Dean," John Cena sighed, "and so did I. You can too. Just stop this right here and now and we'll consider not giving you the death penalty."

"In your dreams, nerd." Dean spat.

"Fine, don't blame me when you get sent to Prison without functioning limbs."

Cena bolted forward, landing several hooks to Dean's jaw before lifting him over his shoulders and heaving him into the passenger seats. The battered Dean stood up and launched himself back at the god before him. Cena parried each of Dean's blows, catching the last punch and shattering all of the bones in Dean's right hand into dust.

Dean screamed out in pain, falling to his knees and clutching his hand.

"Y-you idiot! How am I supposed to play Fortnite with a broken hand?" Dean screamed.

John didn't respond, only catapulting himself into the air and launching an axe kick aimed square at Dean's skull. Dean barely dodged out of the way, reaching into his pocket for his pistol. He unloaded every last round in the gun, missing all of them since he still couldn't see where Cena was. John caught the last bullet in between his fingers and fired the shot back with his bare hands, embedding itself into Dean's stomach.

Dean feel to the ground as a bloody, beaten, and broken screaming mess. Cena strutted over and suplexed Dean over his head, ready to snap him in half like a patented Honey Maid Graham Cracker.

Out of nowhere, a ninja shuriken flew into John's gut and caused him to immediately faint. Dean quickly yeeted Cena's unconscious body out of the window. Dean looked back to his savior, only to see his long lost brother, Sam.

"Sam? You came back? Even after I-"

"Hey man, we stick together through thicc and thin." Sam grinned.

"Amen!" Dean shouted, booting up the plane and zooming off the runway towards Korea.

After a quick 7 minute flight, Dean cruised into a Korean airstrip. Soon after he and Sam strolled into a Korean Mcdonalds.

Dean waltzed up to the register, "Hey man, can I get a uhHHHHHuhhhhHHhhhhhhhH-"

The employee, whose face was covered by his massive hat, replied "Sure, that'll be 5.99"

Sam fished out some crumpled old bills from his pocket and slapped in onto the counter. Desperate to make small talk, Sam tried to get something going. "So, there's been concerns for American cities after the space colony's attack on the moon, what do you think about the theft of dangerous artifacts that allow such attacks to happen?"

The man at the register chuckled, "You mean the Chaos Emeralds? I'm going to assume you mean the Chaos Emeralds." The man lifted his hat to reveal his face. It was none other than Barack Obama.

"Mr. Obama? What are you doing here?" Dean sputtered.

"If you're worried about the Chaos Emeralds, I've got one of them right here." Obama smirked, pulling out a sizable green emerald from his uniform. Sam and Dean both stepped back and gasped.

"Mr. Obama, please put down the Ch-"

"Chaos Control!" Obama shouted, interrupting the brothers and warping Korea into a black hole.

"Pssshh…. Nothin personnel kid…" Obama chuckled.


End file.
